My memory, or lack thereof, is pretty horrendous. Nevertheless, I believe it was the end of the 3^rd grade when I began to have my first big challenger. I know that the deal was sealed by 4^th grade, and life was forever changed by then.  What happened?  There was a new student at Mt. Pisgah Elementary, and that student was Kerry Whipple.

Up until the time Kerry came to town (and yes, she was a Force, so I will refer to her accordingly), I had been able to easily establish myself as a head-of-the-class student pretty early each school year.  I was a teacher’s daughter, so supplemental learning at home with items designed for those several grades ahead was the rule.  However, the drive to be the best in the class was innate, and didn’t really require any external pressure from the Parentals.

So when Kerry came on the scene towards the end of my 3^rd grade year (a year when I recall receiving my first ‘B’, which was pretty catastrophic within itself; geography has never been my thing), I had no idea that I was about to face quite the formidable opponent at our classroom academic standoffs!  I don’t recall exactly what they were, but we had some sort of competitions revolving around math or conjugation or something that involved completing challenges first, and Kerry Whipple and I went head-to-head.  She beat me in a few of those, and this was not something to which I was very accustomed, so I remember learning what intimidation was right then and there! And, by virtue of the competition, I decided she was my academic enemy – lol.

However, in a rather short period of time, we shared classes, and once I spent any meaningful time with her, I realized we had far too much in common to be anything less than good friends.  We eventually ended up with about the same amount of wins and losses in our different competitions, but I am grateful that she helped me to learn how to ‘up my game.’ Pictured above is a scene from our induction into the National Junior Honor Society, or something along those lines (please see the earlier reference to my memory!)

Over 30 years later, despite our lives diverging in very different paths and only keeping up on social media sporadically, I still consider her a treasured friend.  As a Southern communications specialist, I am constantly amazed by the voice that she gives to social justice in a place where I can’t imagine her opinion to be wildly popular.  What a blessing it is that she is one of the people who has been placed in my journey of life!

My son is not even close to the third grade yet, and is unfortunately at that age when he is failing to appreciate the merits of the kindergarten naptime.  However, as each school year brings a new group of classmates and friends, I share in his excitement for learning about each new teacher and student, and most certainly, who will be the class BFF and partner-in-silliness for the year!

What I am starting to realize, though, is that my son and I are very different.  Whereas my primary objective was to always demonstrate to my new teacher each year that I was going to be the star pupil of the class, I don’t think this is going to be my son’s major goal.  He is a very bright and energetic child, and he loves school.  But, he is far more interested in garnering laughs, being gregarious, fun-loving, and politically correct than “beating” his classmates in academic pursuits.  He would much rather make the teacher and his classmates cards when they are sick or sad than to be the one who wins at the big contest.

In all this time as he has been growing and as he has progressed from preschool to formal school, I have been anxiously waiting for my son’s Kerry Whipple.  I have been excited about the possibility of the person who will push him to push himself to strive harder, work faster, think more efficiently.  However, it’s enlightening to learn that this person may not come or even need to come and impact him in the same way that Kerry needed to be a part of my life.

One of the most sobering things about being a parent is that you really are responsible for shaping this little person’s experiences, and your influence has a lifelong impact.  As a pediatrician, I have purposefully sought out training on adverse childhood experiences and am considered ‘trauma informed’ about the long-term effect of adversity on children.  With this in mind, I’m particularly sensitive to everything to which my son is exposed; in this particular era, I am very sensitive to his exposure as a little black boy in the Southern region of the US.  But what I have realized more recently is that I don’t always have to get lost in the weeds.

Sometimes, I don’t have to be the one doing the teaching, and I can actually learn from him.  What does he want to learn?  Who does he want to be?  What is important for him in his class as he relates to his teachers and fellow classmates?

Maybe for my son, it will be a fellow athlete who runs faster or dribbles better; maybe it will be a classmate who designs a bridge in an unorthodox way.  Perhaps it will be a girl who challenges everything he has ever thought he knew about time, space, and dimension.  Who knows?  The lesson I am learning is that my son may not need the same Kerry Whipple that I needed, and that is perfectly fine.